Rebuild connection
Disagreements happen in all relationships. No matter how compatible we are, each of us has our own beliefs, history and version of reality. But if disagreements aren’t resolved elegantly, you can feel stressed and disconnected. In this short video, I share an exercise for rebuilding connection after it’s been breached. (It’s especially useful to remedy situations when it seems like your voice is not being heard.)
Transcript
Have you ever experienced a relationship in which it seems your views don’t matter? Your thoughts and feelings are brushed aside... When this happens, whether it’s with a partner, friend or colleague, a rift opens up between the two of you because it’s very hard to connect with someone when it seems like they don’t make the time to listen to you.
If this sounds familiar – if you’ve been complying with someone else’s strategies for a long time now – then perhaps you’ve noticed cracks appearing in your relationship with yourself and others. This happens when you suppress your needs, and results in feelings of frustration, disappointment and exhaustion. When you decide that this isn’t how you want to live your life – that you are ready to experience happier, healthier and more mutualistic relationships – there’s a simple exercise you can do to get the ball rolling.
It’s called 321, and it comes from nonviolent communication, a methodology for promoting peace and cooperation. When you practice this exercise, you are building trust as a foundation to better connect, collaborate and co-create.
It goes like this. First, you find a warm comfortable space to sit down with the other person, and you ask them: How are you?
You then proceed to listen for three minutes while the other person shares how they are in that very moment or with reference to a particular situation that is causing tension between the two of you. You listen without speaking, analysing, judging or preparing to agree with or refute what you hear. When the three minutes is up, you take two minutes to share what you have heard with a focus on how they are and what you heard was most important to them.
Finally, the other person takes one minute to share their experience of hearing your reflection. They will particularly acknowledge the moments you truly understood them and the moments in which you inadvertently misunderstood them.
And then you swap roles, so you get to answer the question: How are you?
It’s such a simple question and yet when you engage in this mutual exchange with the intention of genuinely understanding each other, you’ll be amazed at the shift in energy you create towards a more equitable, nourishing and successful relationship.