Assertive communication: how to speak up for yourself and others
Assertive communication is about speaking up for yourself and others. It is rooted in a philosophy of authenticity and empathy, and aims to create mutually beneficial outcomes.
Learning to communicate assertively – aka finding your voice – is vital if you want to:
play a lead role in shaping your own life
advocate for the wellbeing of other people
engage in thoughtful debate with a view to creating positive change.
It can be helpful to think of communication along a continuum between passivity and aggression – with assertive communication sitting at the mid-point (as shown in the image below).
Passive communication
At one extreme of the continuum, we find passive communication. People who communicate passively have likely experienced negative reactions to expressing their authentic needs in the past. As such, they choose to swallow their voices, defer to others or intentionally mimic prevailing opinion to protect themselves from the possibility of being shamed, attacked or otherwise undesirably treated. Sadly, when you communicate passively, you suffocate your true self, increasing the likelihood of experiencing exhaustion, depression and burnout. You also deprive yourself of opportunities to creative positive change.
Aggressive communication
At the other end of the continuum, we find aggressive communication. People who communicate aggressively tend to think of themselves as superior to others. There is a sense of entitlement that pervades conversation. While it’s useful to be able to clearly express your own needs, it’s equally important take responsibility for how your communication is received and listen with empathy to others’ needs. Aggressive communication quickly breaks trust and, as such, it weakens relationships and sabotages endeavours to create positive change.
The mid-point: assertive communication
If you’d like to stop living life at the poles of passivity and aggression, your starting point is to identify what really matters to you. This deep self-knowledge is key to assertive communication. After all, you must know what you stand for before you can stand up for it!
Here are some questions to ask yourself as you learn to communicate more assertively.
What matters to me, i.e. what is worth speaking up for?
Do I have a tendency towards passive, aggressive or passive-aggressive communication?
When do I already communicate assertively?
In which situation(s) do I find it challenging to communicate assertively?
If I could communicate more assertively in challenging situations, what would this give me?
Next steps
When you choose to communicate assertively, you acknowledge that all of our voices matter and that each of us plays a role in creating positive change. If you’d like support to find your voice, please get in touch.